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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24081193">Changing of the Seasons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlfromcarolina/pseuds/girlfromcarolina'>girlfromcarolina</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Episode s03 e17 Powerless, Episode s03e17 Powerless Spoilers, Feelings Realization, Getting Back Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Season/Series 03, Spoilers for 3x18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:15:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24081193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlfromcarolina/pseuds/girlfromcarolina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Most of what Eddie knows came from Hen and Chimney, who used to whisper about the <i>infamous Abby Clark</i> whenever Buck wasn’t in the room. Buck let her name slip once or twice, but he kept his deeper feelings about Abby locked up tight. Eddie didn’t mind, because by then, he and Buck were connecting on an entirely different level, and it didn’t seem necessary to push the subject of a woman who was never coming back.</p><p>Or, Eddie takes Buck home with him after the trainwreck.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>631</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Changing of the Seasons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>While technically a coda to 3x17 (and written prior to airing of 3x18), this covers my feelings about the potential of the season finale. I have my own ideas and I wanted to get them out before the show blows them up (hopefully not literally). I haven't even watched the promo videos at this point - my only knowledge comes from a few spoilery tweets and the end of 3x17. Everything else is pure speculation. I just had a lot of Buddie feelings, okay? :-P</p><p>Title from the phenomenal break up &amp; move on song, Changing of the Seasons by Two Door Cinema Club.</p><p>  <i></i></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>When you say you won't forget me<br/>I can tell you that's not true<br/>'Cause every day since you left me<br/>I've thought less and less of you<br/>And I've worn out all the reasons<br/>To keep on knocking at your door<br/>Could be the changing of the seasons<br/>But I don't love you anymore</i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</div>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today has been a trainwreck. Literally. The derailment kept them busy for nearly an entire shift until relief crews started showing up so the teams who’d been at the scene the longest could swap out and get some much needed rest.</p><p>Eddie is exhausted now that his adrenaline levels have dropped. All he wants is to shower off the dirt and smoke and head home to be with Christopher for a few hours before he crashes hard. He’s used to rough days and physical exertion, but the demands of this particular shift have worn him down to almost nothing.</p><p>None of them talk much while they get cleaned up and changed back at the 118. Eddie questions whether or not he’ll be able to keep his eyes open on the drive home, Hen can’t stop yawning as she packs her bag, and Chim might already be asleep, standing upright and leaning against the lockers. The only one who’s not among the walking dead is Buck, although Eddie suspects it’s because his mind is too busy racing over what happened to let him wind down properly.</p><p>Eddie can’t blame him. His best friend was dealing with an emotional trainwreck on top of the very real one, in the ruins of which they spent the better part of twelve hours. The shock of seeing his ex with the other survivors absolutely threw him for a loop, but Buck was a pro. He didn’t let the bombshell of Abby’s reappearance keep him from buckling down and helping the other first responders save as many lives as they could—the same thing Buck had done during the earthquake and the tsunami. </p><p>As much as the crew teased Buck for his empathy (often unfairly, in Eddie’s opinion), there’s no better firefighter at the 118 except for the captain himself. Buck gave everything he had, even as a storm raged inside his head, and Eddie admires his dedication. After all, he knows a thing or two about exes popping up unexpectedly. He tried to act as a buffer between them at the scene in case things turned for the worse, but fortunately Abby and her fiance were okay.</p><p>Hen finally stands and pokes Chim, who startles out of his doze and nearly faceplants into a locker door. They leave together with half-hearted waves, bound for the comfort and familiarity of their significant others, the same reasons Eddie is so desperate to see his son. The only thing standing in his way is his six-foot-one fellow firefighter who’s silently staring into his locker like it’s the abyss.</p><p>“Come on, Buck. Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>“You go ahead,” Buck tells him. “I’m...I don’t know what I’m doing right now.”</p><p>Eddie’s already made the decision for him. “You’re coming home with me, that’s what you’re doing.”</p><p>Buck glances over. He’s mostly dressed—a black, long-sleeved shirt and light gray jeans—all he’s missing are his shoes. “Thanks, Eddie.” At least that sounds genuine. “But I don’t want to impose on you guys.”</p><p>“You’re not,” Eddie assures him, “besides, I already told Christopher I was bringing you <i>and</i> pasta from Marianna’s home, so if you want to back out, you can tell him yourself.”</p><p>It’s not the whole truth (he definitely promised their favorite pasta), but Buck doesn’t need to know that. One text to Carla will solve that problem.</p><p>“You have better plans?” he asks when Buck doesn’t respond. He’s watching Eddie with a wary gaze, like the offer is going to be rescinded at any moment. “Gonna turn down Marianna’s?”</p><p>Buck sighs. “Fine, twist my arm.” He sounds exasperated. Eddie knows better than that though. Two years in and he could write a thesis on Buck’s moods. Doesn’t mean Eddie always reacts the right way, but he can tell when Buck is feeling grateful.</p><p>They leave the station together. In the parking lot, Eddie orders dinner (he knows Buck’s usual by heart) before catching up to Buck by their vehicles.</p><p>“I’ll pick up the food,” Buck offers. “Want me to grab anything else?”</p><p>Eddie grins. Buck loves to flirt with Marianna herself, and the seventy-five year old eats it up. She always gives Buck an extra order of breadsticks for free. Eddie’s charms don’t have nearly the same effect..</p><p>“Nah, we’re good. Tell Marianna I said hello.”</p><p>Mercifully, traffic is mild tonight. Eddie uses the time alone to think about Buck’s ex-girlfriend. Most of what he knows came from Hen and Chimney, who used to whisper about the <i>infamous Abby Clark</i> whenever Buck wasn’t in the room. Buck let her name slip once or twice, but he kept his deeper feelings about Abby locked up tight. Eddie didn’t mind, because by then he and Buck were connecting on an entirely different level, and it didn’t seem necessary to push the subject of a woman who was never coming back.</p><p>The connection between Eddie and Buck grew more intense, leading to one hot night that cemented their shift from rivals to partners, and Eddie thought they were moving in the direction of something truly special until the day Shannon came back into his and Christopher’s lives and decided to stick around.</p><p>Eddie shakes his head and makes the final turn towards home. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to help him or Buck tonight. Especially not when he’s been thinking more and more lately about the possibility of taking another shot, trying to convince Buck that they could be good together. That they <i>are</i> good together.</p><p>He never could have predicted that a derailed train would bring so much to light.</p><p>When he’s finally home, Eddie sends Carla back to her own family after swearing he’s got everything covered for the night. Not wanting Christopher to worry about “his dad and his Buck,” she made sure he didn’t see or hear anything about the train accident. He doesn’t mention Abby to Carla either. That’s Buck’s story to tell.</p><p>After Eddie hugs his son for a full two minutes, they set the table for dinner. Christopher unrolls the placemats and arranges the forks at each place, announcing that Buck is going to be sitting next to him tonight.</p><p>“He’ll like that, buddy. Good job.”</p><p>Buck shows up ten minutes later, and Eddie can smell the oregano and butter that means he’s definitely carrying those extra breadsticks. Normally, Eddie would crack a joke about Buck and Marianna, and Buck would respond that she shot him down again, miming a broken heart, but he knows better than to tease him tonight.</p><p>“You’re sitting next to me, Buck,” Christopher says as they make their way to the table.</p><p>Buck smiles. “No place I’d rather be.”</p><p>Eddie’s heart does a little somersault. This might not be what Bobby meant when he called the 118 a family, but this is what Eddie pictures when he hears that word. So many people have come and gone from their lives over the years, some accidentally and some out of necessity. Here in LA, though, Eddie is putting down roots in the shadow of Buck’s genuine, sprawling presence, where he and Christopher will always be safe and welcome.</p><p>They avoid any mention of the train as they dig into the food, which suits Eddie just fine. He’s pleasantly surprised at how open and enthusiastic Buck is acting as he and Chris talk about a future skateboarding adventure in the park. Without asking, Buck swaps takeout containers with Eddie, trading his remaining carbonara for what’s left of Eddie’s pasta primavera. It’s an unspoken routine that’s repeated every time they order from Marianna’s.</p><p>Considering the stress they’ve been under, Eddie was anticipating a slightly withdrawn Buck, or at the very least a tired Buck. Eddie himself is ready to move this party to the couch in case he nods off. Buck must have dug down deep to find the energy to match Christopher, who is showing Buck the homework that he finished with Carla. It gives Eddie a chance to clear their plates, load the dishwasher, and move the takeout containers into the trash.</p><p>Sinking into the couch feels so divine, Eddie may never stand up again. Buck and Chris join him a few minutes later, and Eddie can’t imagine anything topping the peace he feels in this moment with his two best guys safe beside him. He’s practically floating, full and content, while Chris watches an animated <i>Star Wars</i> show and Buck leans back into the cushions.</p><p>Later on, after Christopher is settled in bed, Eddie rejoins Buck on the couch. He almost expects Buck to give some ridiculous excuse about leaving, but he’s happy to see that Buck has made himself comfortable, legs sprawled, while still giving Eddie plenty of room to crash beside him. Without Chris, there’s a weight to the silence between them, and Eddie isn’t sure if he should be the one to broach the subject, or if—</p><p>“Do you think I’m lonely?”</p><p>Eddie narrows his eyes and tries to read Buck’s expression. There’s a hint of bitterness in the question, but there’s more curiosity than anything. “I don’t think anyone else can answer that for you. That’s something you feel.”</p><p>Buck tilts his head. “Okay, do you see me as a lonely guy?”</p><p>“You’re my best friend. I hope you’re not lonely, because that means I’m doing a shitty job of showing you how important you are to me and Chris.”</p><p>There’s a half-smile on Buck’s face, yet his eyes remain wide and wistful. “Until I met Red, I never thought of myself as lonely. I didn’t have the same things as everyone else, but I kind of thought I was being mature, you know? Taking time to really figure out what I wanted.”</p><p>For his own sanity, Eddie chooses to ignore the <i>what I wanted</i> part of Buck’s admission. “He really got to you, didn’t he?”</p><p>“Red was a good guy,” Buck says. They had all noticed a change in Buck after Red passed away. He was quieter, more withdrawn, and spent an unusual amount of time in his own head between calls. “To be honest, I hadn’t thought about Abby in a while until he told me about the woman he let go. Everything came rushing back after that.”</p><p>And then a train jumped the tracks and sent her flying back into Buck’s life along with her new fiance. Fate has a weird sense of humor.</p><p>“Does that make me a bad person?” Buck asks. “I felt so guilty when I realized I’d been thinking about her less and less, especially after I got reinstated.”</p><p>“Why would you feel guilty?” It’s a struggle to keep the sharpness out of his voice. Even if she hadn’t been there today, Abby had no hold over Buck as far as Eddie is concerned. She left someone special behind when she left Los Angeles. It cuts too close to Eddie’s own scars for him to give her the benefit of the doubt, even if Buck was willing to forgive and accept closure.</p><p>“Abby was such a big part of my life.” Eddie hears the affection in Buck’s tone. “When I met her, I was a different person. She changed me.”</p><p>“She didn’t change you,” Eddie insists. “Maybe she helped bring out a different side of you, but she didn’t create that. We all go through shifts, Buck. Hell, you and I shifted after we met, remember?”</p><p>“Bobby says we bring out the best in each other.”</p><p>Eddie reaches over and squeezes Buck’s shoulder. “Damn right.” </p><p>He loves Buck’s bashful grin; Buck may not know how to take a genuine compliment that doesn’t involve his looks, but he deserves more of them. Eddie has the sudden urge to lean over and press himself against Buck’s side. They’ve always been comfortable with back-and-forth physical affection—Eddie is intimately familiar with Buck’s body, and vice versa—and nothing calms Eddie or brings him back to reality faster than Buck’s touch.</p><p>He holds himself back. “Was it hard to see her again?”</p><p>“Actually, it was kind of nice. Wish it could have been under better circumstances, obviously,” Buck tells him with a fond expression. “She said she wants to call me so we can talk when it’s not so chaotic.”</p><p>“Is that something you want?” </p><p>So much depends on Buck’s answer. Eddie watches him think about it for a few seconds. “I don’t need it, but yeah I think I’d like to catch up with her. We’ve both been through a lot the last couple of years.” He laughs softly. “There’s so much I want to tell her...about you and Chris, about Maddie.”</p><p>Eddie ignores the way his eyes are suddenly stinging. Buck saying out loud that Eddie and Chris are a part of his life that he wants to share with others is an affirmation of everything Eddie has been feeling.</p><p>“But I know better than to wait around for her to call me,” Buck admits. “Either way, I’ll be okay.”</p><p>They fall into a comfortable silence, each of them processing in their own way. Buck closes his eyes and leans back, completely at ease in Eddie’s space, taking deep breaths as his thoughts wander down invisible roads. Eddie watches his chest rise and fall. He’d been worried about Buck since he found out that the woman Buck ran up to at the crash site was Abby. He might not have known much about her, but she was the gold standard for Buck—no one had really measured up since.</p><p>Hearing the way Buck talked about her tonight allowed some of that fear and uncertainty to recede. There was warmth and tenderness, but none of the longing he would expect from someone who wanted what he couldn’t have.</p><p>Going back over his words from earlier, Eddie realizes something. “I don’t think you’re a lonely guy, Buck.”</p><p>“Hmm?” When Buck opens his eyes, Eddie’s hit with the full weight of that depthless blue gaze. He nearly loses his train of thought.</p><p>“You think you’re the only person who doesn’t have a life outside the 118, but you don’t see that <i>our</i> lives include you too. If you need us, all you have to do is ask.”</p><p>Buck’s face falls. “I did, after I rescued Gladys from that apartment fire.”</p><p>Eddie remembers the way Buck’s eyes filled with more and more disappointment with every rejection. If he hadn’t been in such a panic over Christopher’s sleepover, he would have stayed to soften the blows.</p><p>“There are gonna be nights when we have plans, Buck,” Eddie points out, “and my invitation was genuine! I needed you to save me from four kids on sugar highs.” Buck looks down and grins as if he’s picturing Eddie having to fend off Chris and his friends, which is pretty close to the reality of what happened that night. “I hated that I couldn’t celebrate with you—you looked so happy.”</p><p>“It sucked that you all had someone waiting for you.”</p><p>When it hits Eddie, his stomach drops. He can hear what Buck isn’t saying. “You want to have that too.”</p><p>“Eddie—” Buck cuts himself off. On the other side of the couch, Eddie’s heart is racing. The possibilities of where this could end up going are whipping him into a frenzy. “I’ve been using Abby as an excuse for a long time, because it was easier than putting myself out there. When I told Red that there used to be someone special, I was thinking about Abby, but when I got home, I realized I could have just as easily meant someone else.”</p><p>Eddie clenches his fist. On the one hand, he wants to hear every word of what Buck is about to say; on the other, he doesn’t know if he can sit still.</p><p>“Abby taught me the importance of taking that leap forward, even if it’s away from something comfortable. I think I’m finally ready to do that.” Buck is staring at him, all that hope focused on Eddie. “We’re comfortable, Eddie, but we used to want more, remember? After Shannon...I tried to give you space and we fell into this routine instead. And I’m not saying it was bad,” he rushes to add, “it’s actually been pretty amazing.”</p><p>He should tell Buck that he’s right—what he and Buck have built with Christopher is amazing—or that he wasn’t ready for a long time after Shannon’s death while he tried to navigate his new normal and that he was so grateful to have his best friend there beside him, but his tongue isn’t working.</p><p>Buck is still looking at him, hopefully taking the fact that Eddie hasn’t asked him to leave as encouragement. “There’s a reason I wasn’t out there ‘finding someone’ like everyone thought I should be doing. I only wanted a certain someone.” He leans closer to Eddie and drops his voice. “So, now I’m asking, is there any chance we can try again?”</p><p>Eddie’s entire body is pulsing like a live wire. He’s gone from helping Buck soothe a broken heart to standing on the precipice of something monumental. There’s so much he could say, so much he’s kept close to his chest over the last few months after he forgave Buck for the lawsuit and Buck forgave <i>him</i> for the shitty way Eddie had treated him in the aftermath of that betrayal.</p><p>“Buck, I—” He scrambles for the right words and ends up saying the first coherent thought that pops into his head “I already think of this place as your home, you know? There’s so much of you here.” Eddie is thinking about Buck’s clothes in his room, the drawings of the three of them hung up on the board in the kitchen, and the framed photos sitting here and there. There is always a six-pack of Buck’s favorite beer in the fridge and an extra toothbrush and jar of hair pomade in the bathroom cabinet.</p><p>“It took a while to move on after Shannon’s accident, but once I started to imagine a future with someone else, you’re the only one I thought about. I wanted to say something earlier, I swear—I never meant to wait this long. When you introduced me to Abby tonight, I thought I’d lost my chance, or that you’d need even more time. I was willing to wait though. This, you…” he gestures between them, “that’s worth waiting for.”</p><p>Buck’s grin is so wide, his cheeks must hurt. “Is that a yes?” he teases, sliding even further towards Eddie’s side of the couch.</p><p>“<i>Me vuelves loco</i>,” he mutters fondly. “Of course it’s a yes.”</p><p>He’s been seduced by Evan Buckley before, but that doesn’t mean he’s prepared to handle the full force of it now. With a flutter of his eyelashes and a smirk on those pink lips, Buck is more tempting than anyone he’s ever seen. Eddie practically melts when Buck closes the distance and pulls him into a kiss. They’re both exhausted, yet the kiss is kinetic and powerful, and they move instinctively until they’re pressed together. </p><p>Eddie is so happy, so relieved, that he doesn’t want to let Buck go even to move into a more comfortable position. As soon as they break apart, Buck starts to yawn, which triggers a similar urge in Eddie.</p><p>“I don’t think we’re gonna get much further than this tonight, are we?” Buck asks with a gentle smile as he sweeps one hand down Eddie’s chest to settle around his waist.</p><p>“I think sleepiness outweighs horniness this time,” Eddie admits, guiding Buck’s lips back to his own with a hand behind his neck. They move against one another, enjoying the slow, lazy feel, until they’re barely shifting anymore and their kisses like wisps of breath.</p><p>“Stay here tonight.”</p><p>“I wasn’t gonna leave,” Buck whispers back. “Good luck trying to get rid of me.”</p><p>They don’t stop touching one another all the way down the hall, past Christopher’s room where he’s sleeping soundly, and into the bedroom. Buck reels him into another kiss as the door closes behind them. Just because it’s soft and tender doesn’t mean Eddie can’t feel the desire and intent behind the kiss, the promise of more when they can stay on their feet for more than a few minutes at a time.</p><p>Eddie knows that his dreams are going to be filled with naked skin and firm muscles. He’ll think about leaving marks on broad shoulders and arching into strong hands as he’s pinned down, spread and eager. He’ll picture himself on his knees, Buck’s hands in his hair, tasting everything Buck has to offer before being devoured in return. Eddie wants everything, and now he knows it’s there for the taking. </p><p>He’s not sure whether it’s irony or fate that while Shannon unknowingly kept Eddie and Buck apart, it was Abby who inadvertently brought them together. Whatever forces are at work here, Eddie is humbled and grateful to have another chance with Buck. He vows not to waste a single moment.</p><p>From chaos to calm, they’ve hit nearly every emotion in between over the last twenty-four hours, and once they get Christopher dropped off at school tomorrow, Eddie plans to show Buck just how much he’s wanted. Two days off won’t be long enough to work through even a fraction of Eddie’s cravings, especially with Christopher around half the time, but they’re a start.</p><p>This is finally their time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>visit me @ <a href="https://hurricanekelleigh.tumblr.com/">hurricanekelleigh</a> on tumblr where I mostly drool over the amazing 9-1-1 creations and my ask box is always open for Buck x Eddie thoughts and prompts.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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